So for the last few years I’ve avoided looking on facebook during the first week of school. The reason for that is that back in 2013 we started trying to have kids. in 2017 we finally had success when our beautiful daugter E joined us in this world. but along the way we lost quite a few other beautiful little souls. One of which was our beautiful Daughter Eliana, who was still born at 30 weeks. she was born in 2015, and would have been the same age as several of our friends little ones. So seeing their kids head off to school and achieve firsts is hard, because its a reminder of milestones Eliana will never reach. So watching E head off to kindy was bitter sweet, we have finally reached one of those milestones ourselves, but it also means I can’t just turn off facebook anymore to avoid the reminders. It also feels too soon. It feels like only yesterday she was born, and I feel like the time has somehow disappeared faster than normal. I’m not ready yet. I remember watching an episode of Grey’s anatomy where Bailey is upset that her son Tuck let go of her hand at childcare, and someone says to her “you know what happens when someone lets go of your hand? you get your hand back”. Well I don’t want it back. I like feeling that small hand in mine, and I don’t feel like I’ve held it enough yet. She’s my little side kick, and I like having her with me. And from here I’m only going to have her around less and less, because next year is school, then high school, then university, then moving out, and getting married and having kids of her own, and so on. I know I loved going out shopping with just me and my one year old G, and not having to stop over few minutes for a toilet, or a drink, or food. It was freeing, and refreshing. But at the same time this feels like the beginning of the end.